Et tu, Ben?

Bleep-001

I was halfway through my “Let’s try to stay positive everybody!” post when I read about Ben Gordon’s tiff with Vinny Del Negro. (More details in today’s fresh ink). The gist of it is that Ben, upset over a fine levied because he was late for a team flight, lodged a strongly worded (of the four-letter variety) complaint with Vinny in a Berto Center hallway. Even more damning was that the incident took place just a few minutes after Vinny had told media members to ask his players if they respect him. I guess they got their answer. Way to set a good, veteran example for the young guys, Ben. No wonder Joakim and Tyrus can’t seem to get it together.

In other “What the hell is wrong with these guys?” news, Derrick Rose is struggling with the decision of whether or not to accept the league’s invitation to the NBA All-Star Weekend Skills Challenge. Said Rose: “I still have to think about it. It’ll depend on how busy I am [and] the way I feel. If I don’t feel like being in it, I guess I don’t have to play in it. It is an honor [to be invited]. I have to see how I feel.”

Dear readers, I’m just a caveman. I fell on some ice and was later thawed by some of your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me. Sometimes when I fly to Europe on the Concorde, I wonder, am I inside some sort of giant bird? Am I going to be digested? I don’t know, because I’m a caveman, and that’s the way I think. When I’m courtside at a Bulls game, I wonder if the ball is some sort of food they’re fighting over. When I see my image on the security camera at the country club, I wonder, are they stealing my soul? I get so upset, I hop out of my Range Rover, and run across the fairway to to the clubhouse, where I get Carlos to make me one of those martinis he’s so famous for, to soothe my primitive caveman brain. But whatever world you’re from, I do know one thing: Any All-Star invitation is an honor that should be accepted immediately unless you’re suffering a debilitating injury and/or brain damage.

What’s with these Bulls rookies, anyway? Remember when Tyrus, still an idiot impressionable rookie himself, was asked to participate in the Slam Dunk contest? He accepted, of course, but he showed signs of his trademark immaturity when he said: “I’m just going to go out there, get my check and call it a day.” Then, when asked if being surrounded by the league’s best players could benefit him, he responded” “I’m just into the free money. That’s it. I’ll just do whatever when I get out there.”

Yeah. I facepalmed when that happened. And I double-facepalmed when these latest issues came up…since I’d just spent, like, a thousand words consoling Bulls fans and telling them that, hey, things aren’t all that bad. And I still believe that. But Ben and Derrick sure made me look kind of stupid. Not to mention themselves.

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8 Responses to Et tu, Ben?

  1. otlsooner@yahoo.com'
    Ted January 23, 2009 at 5:11 pm #

    Your caveman is truly in a time warp. The Concorde was retired in 2003.

    But your point about grabbing an opportunity to be involved in All Star Weekend is valid. Do you think that Rose was trying to be humble? Inside he was actually screaming “I’m going to Phoenix! I’m going to Phoenix!”

    Besides which, wouldn’t he be going anyway for the Rookie-Soph game?

  2. bullsbythehorns@gmail.com'
    Matt McHale January 24, 2009 at 12:02 am #

    Ted — That quote is a direct quote from the old Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer skit from SNL (as linked in the post). Yeah, kind of obscure, I know…

    Yes, Rose will be there for that game, but the Skills Challege would keep him there — GASP! — a whole extra day!

    I shouldn’t make fun. I know the life of a pro athlete is tough, but still.

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