Ugh. Double ugh. Triple ugh. Etc.
The Bulls have lost a season-worst five games in a row. Joakim Noah is out (plantar fasciitis). Luol Deng is expected to miss at least the next two games with a Grade 1 or 2 calf strain. Brad Miller (thumb) and Taj Gibson (plantar fasciitis) both missed practice yesterday, and Taj might miss tonight’s game against the Magic in Orlando.
We might see an Animal Style double-double from Dwight Howard. Maybe 30 points and 20 rebounds? Plus 5 blocks or so? And what if Brad Miller can’t suit up?
Said Vinny Del Negro: “We’re going to have to junk the game up as best we can. Maybe we can get a couple of guys with a hot hand or change up some defensive coverages. … We might have to bring (player development coaches Lindsey Hunter and Randy Brown) out of retirement. Maybe we’ll play small tomorrow — real small. But it’s hard to do that when you have that guy in the middle down in Orlando. You win in this league by controlling the paint and rebounding,” Del Negro said. “We aren’t able to do that as consistently as we would like because of our injuries.”
Injuries are strangling Chicago’s playoff hopes to death. Bulls fans can’t do much more than Vinny is doing: wait, cross fingers, and hope for a mini-miracle.
Anyway, let’s take a break from the morbid facts and talk about a funny story I touched on in yesterday’s comments section. My best friend, Dave, is in town for a work conference. He’s been a huge Utah Jazz fan since we were roommates at Purdue. When he found out about this conference six months ago, he immediately checked the Bulls’ game schedule and was stoked to find out the Jazz were playing in Chicago during his trip.
Now, let me take a step back. Dave and I also attended a Jazz-Bulls game waaaaaay back in 2001. We both showed up in Karl Malone jerseys (not matching). I had no other choice. My Marcus Fizer jersey was, uhm, “on order.” They weren’t yet offering a Jake Voskuhl jersey. Anyway, we had sprung for seats about seven rows off the floor. Somebody in Chicago’s PR department saw us and ending up pulling us out of our seats for a timeout gag. I don’t remember what it was other than that we got made fun of for the delight of the crowd, earning a couple free Big Macs for our trouble.
Malone ended up with 32 points (a game high), 10 rebounds (another game high), 6 assists and 3 steals as Utah won 94-83. Ron Artest led the Bulls with 27 points. It was kind of a rough game, and Artest ended up with more points off free throws (15) than field goals (12). That’s what I like to call a Dantley.
Anyway, all this other stuff became a sidenote in the bigger story, which was that the night’s halftime act of horror: Duo Design, a “strength and hand-balancing act from Warsaw, Poland.” Basically, they’re two topless guys in butt-hugging tights that do gymnastics — slow, sweaty gymnastics — off each other’s bodies. Seriously. About 75-80 percent of their act is one man slowly and dramatically lowering himself toward the other man’s nether regions.
Good times. But only if you use an alien version of the word “good” that actually means “I now have an irrational fear of the human body.” This was my original writeup of the event on Basketbawful.
In the weeks leading up to this week’s game, Dave kept bugging me about checking to see what the halftime act was going to be. I kept telling him, “Whatever, don’t worry about it, what are the chances we’d see Duo Design again?” He was insistent, but I was equally insistent in not checking.
Well, with about two minutes to go before halftime, the Jumbotron flashed an eerie message: “Halftime Show: Duo Design!”
Dave just looked at me, Dr. Cox-style.
Now, the L.A. Times supposedly said Duo Design is “guaranteed to set you roaring.” I’m pretty sure they meant ralphing. Or running. Or…is their an “r” word for weeping? (Note to self: buy thesaurus.) At any rate, here’s a gander at what we saw. You know, in case you just hate yourself.
There are a few aspects of a live Bulls game I don’t particularly enjoy. Like, for instance, the fact that the only time the crowd gets really, really excited is when McDonald’s t-shirts are being handed out in the upper sections. Seriously, you’ll be sitting there and suddenly one section will be going absolutely bonkers…for a $10 t-shirt. But the threat of having to see Duo Design is pretty much at the tippy top of the “In-Game Experiences That Make Me Fear My Own Eyes.”
And did I mention the Matadors performed during a second-half timeout? I love the Bulls…but Duo Design and the Matadors and a crippling blowout loss? Not exactly something to Love it Live about.
Look, I am already despondant about the Bulls right now. You did not need to share that clip and spread the misery further, Matt!
Sorry, Brad. I’m just trying to deal with the pain John Wayne-style. Like trying to distract from the pain of being shot in the shoulder by shooting yourself in the foot.
By the way, drop me a line at [email protected].
I was fortunate that the one game I caught this year at the UC (Dec 26th vs the Hornets) featured the Jessie White Tumblers. I LOVE the Jessie White Tumblers.
Oh I forgot to mention, the T-wolves games activities live are frickn’ sad and super boring. Trust me, you would miss all the stuff at the UC if you were stuck in the target center.
Two glistening dudes ‘lift-dancing’ to a slow melodic song on hardwood. Seems like the scene from a video section I tend to skip. Don’t the mascots still dunk off of trampolines anymore? Remember the old school Charlotte Hornet? I would rather watch that every timeout, or the LuvaBulls.
The circus acts during halftime are a poor attempt to make a Bulls game a family affair since after all the Luvables dance moves would send a 12 year old boy into a frenzy. So far I’ve only been to one game where they pointed the kiss cam to two women and they had a short make out session. I’m hoping one day they point towards the Luvables, that’d be a halftime show I’d stay in my seat for.
Ryan, if I had a 3 year old I’d be joining in the festivities too, it’s all in good fun. Fighting over the cheap parachuting T-shirts though is another story though. One day someone is going to flip over the ledge on the 300 level and that will be the end of that gimmick, really surprised it hasn’t happened yet.
Is Vinnie maybe even joking? This is just flat going to be a physical game and he lets JJ get 3 fouls in the 1st quarter? Furious!!!! He goes from playing 7 minutes a game to leaving him on the floor unconsciously?
halftime:
You know, I have no problem with this beat down. It happens. I am losing faith in Vinnie’s instincts, let’s say, not over-all coaching.
Flip Murray is a scorer and certainly has a better combo game than Pargo, so where are the plays? I know that he will just go given the opportunity. He doesn’t need to be told every time like some do. So, what the H-E-double-hockey-sticks, Vin Weasel?
I have seen this two guys on the half time, I think there are awesome.
I wonder what you can do besides drinking beer and get fat.
I think the half time shows are very entertaining. I do not know if you realize how many years of practice take to do this staff.
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