Vinny Del Negro has been under fire from media members, bloggers and fans since about five seconds after his hiring was announced. And those five seconds simply represented the average amount of time it took people to recover from the shock. Like pretty much everybody else, I have my doubts about Vinny’s coaching acumen, but I’m willing to give him some more time to spread his wings before watching him plummet violently to his coaching death. So I’m less concerned about how he’s doing than what he’s saying.
And what he’s saying is boring. As in very.
Seriously, Vinny couldn’t titillate us with his verbiage even if the subject of the conversation was an evening spent with the Luvabulls in a hot tub filled with scented massage oils and live carp. Therefore, in conjunction with my buddy Evil Ted, I now present you with the Dull-Negrometer. Going forward, this device — which is the product of several seconds of intense scientific research — will be used to measure the level of boring in Vinny’s various pre and post-game comments.
The Dull-Negrometer uses a simple scale of 1-10, with 1 being the least boring (relative to “Vinny-speak”) and 10 being the most egregiously boring/obvious/passive-aggressive. Here are examples of the Dull-Negrometer in action:
Level 1: “We were beaten on the offensive glass tonight.”
Level 2: “Kevin Garnett is an intense competitor.”
Level 3: “They outhustled us.”
Level 4: “Our defense needs to improve.”
Level 5: “Aaron Gray gives us size up front.”
Level 6: “Losing like this isn’t fun.”
Level 7: “We need to play better.”
Level 8: “We can’t win if the other team scores that many points.”
Level 9: “We lost tonight.”
Level 10: “Our team mascot is a bull” / “I’m Italian”
Now that we have the means to measure what Brian Windhorst once referred to as platitude-ese, you can expect all of Vinny’s future comments to be rated by the Dull-Negrometer. Stay tuned…
comment left i.a. bawful
Comment by Djin — January 29, 2009 @ 7:07 pm
i’m gettin’ your moneys worth.
please apply the Dull-Negro-Meter to the verbal crimes of the players, too.
Comment by HolyMotherofNOAH — January 29, 2009 @ 9:21 pm
So who would you rather have tell a story:
1. Vinny
2. Pop
Comment by Sun Devil — January 29, 2009 @ 10:44 pm
I almost slipped into a coma just reading his “comments”. I love the new blog, keep up the good work! I link you on my site all the time. Go Bulls!
Comment by Stormin Norman — January 30, 2009 @ 5:05 am
HolyMotherofNOAH — I will indeed apply it to the players’ comments as well.
Sun Devil — Pop, for sure. When he’s boring, it’s usually because he’s screwing with somebody. So at least there’s mockery involved.
Stormin Norman — Thanks, SN. I enjoy NQTC as well. I gotta comment more!
Comment by Matt McHale — January 30, 2009 @ 6:16 pm
[...] According to Vinny: “‘That’s just Jerry trying to motivate and trying to get guys going. Jerry wants to win just like every owner, every coach. It’s not easy. Managing expectations and developing and all those things are very easy to talk about, but they’re hard to do and they take time. Some people are more patient than others.” Hey! This is a job for the Dull-Negrometer! [...]
Pingback by Jerry doesn’t heart Vinny » By The Horns — January 31, 2009 @ 9:58 am
lol
Comment by Belize — February 9, 2009 @ 5:38 am
[...] Coaching wisdom: According to Vinny: “Kirk was the difference.” Gong, gong, gong!! That’s at least a seven on the Dull-Negrometer. [...]
Pingback by The Bulls play (and win) games too… » By The Horns — February 19, 2009 @ 2:20 pm