Would you build a motorized bar stool out of an old lawn mower? Are you suffering from a crippling  case of dementia? Do you have a spare $165 — plus $10 S&H — just burning a hole in your pocket? If you answered “Yes, yea gods, yes!” to all three questions, then eBay has just the auction for you: A pair of game-used shoes worn by former Bull and beard legend Drew Gooden! Because nothing says “I love my Chicago Bulls!” quite like decorating your home with a couple of ratty sneakers that smell like Drew Gooden’s feet.

According to the product description: “Game Used Drew Gooden shoes size 17 marked promo. Purchased directly from the Chicago Bulls at last years National Sports Collectors Convention. Each pair comes with a buisness card from the Bulls employee that ran the both [sic]. See pictures For condition. Ask me any questions you may have.” In response, I sent the seller a question asking: “Do you really think, given the current financial crisis sweeping our fair country, that somebody is going to pay that much Gooden’s stanky old shoes?” So far: No response.

If you’re a more discriminating Bulls fan — and by “discriminating” I mean “cheap and not insane” — then maybe you should bid on this pair of game-used Randy Livingston warmup pants from the 2005-06 campaign. And since Randy only appeared in 5 games for a total of 22 minutes that season, you can be sure those babies saw a lot of use. Bid with confidence.

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Listen. Listen! Do you hear? That is the sound of ultimate suffering. My heart made that sound when the six-fingered man slaughtered my father. Tom Ziller makes it now. Why? Because the Sacramento Kings are sending John Salmons and Brad Miller to the Bulls for Andres Nocioni, Drew Gooden, Michael Ruffin and Cedric Simmons…otherwise known as “The Salary Dump Special.”

The Kings (despite Noc’s Argentina-sized contract) are saving millions in cap space and avoiding the dreaded luxury tax. (Fear it, mortal fools!) So what are the Bulls getting? Other than the final, shuddering death of all those pesky (though enticing) Amare Stoudemire/Chris Bosh trade rumors, that is. Well, in Miller (11.9 PPG, 8.0 RPG) the Bulls finally get a center who has actual offensive talent (even if he’s more than a little over the hill and way overpaid). He’s not much of a post player, but he’s a very good outside shooter (with three-point range even) and a great passer out of the high-post (and virtually everywhere else). Brad’s not so hot on the defensive end, but he has been known to bang people around and commit hard fouls (and, occasionally, flagrant ones). Athletically, he’s the NBA-equivalent of Stephen Hawking, but he makes up for it with effort, veteran savvy and pure hunkability.

Salmons (career-high 18.3 PPG, 41 percent three-point shooting) can swing between small forward and shooting guard, which should provide some added versatility. And, unlike Thabo Sefolosha, John can, like, score and stuff. Primarily, he’s a slasher who likes to drive hard and either attack the rim or pull up for short-range jumpers. He can also stick the triple and is a top-notch defensive player who can face off against PGs, SGs and SFs. Plus he can block shots, pilfer the rock, and he’s not afraid to take on elite perimeter players (Kobe Bryant, Dwyane Wade, Marko Jaric, etc.) It’s no secret the Bulls have needed a big, defensive guard for several seasons. (Ben Gordon…he’s so small!)

I’m not sure how the addition of Salmons is going to affect Ben Gordon’s spot in the rotation, but the trade (due to Miller’s bloated contract) will more than likely mean the end of the Kirk Hinrich Era, since the Bulls will need to jettison his contract to avoid the luxery tax (which could lend credence to the rumored Hinrich/Sefolosha for Brian Cardinal/Jarron Collins swap with the Minnesota Timberwolves). But all in all, I think Chicago came out on top in this one, in terms of talent. But then, the Kings weren’t going for talent, so…

Oh, and then there’s this little tidbit: “No matter what the Bulls do with [Larry] Hughes, they’ve set themselves up to be significant players in the summer of 2010, when the free agent class headed by LeBron James, Chicago native Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh comes up. By getting rid of Nocioni’s contract, the Bulls have less than $36 million committed to salaries for the 2010-11 season, and could add one or two top-shelf free agents to go with rookie point guard Derrick Rose, small forward Luol Deng and whichever of the bigs among Thomas and Noah are still around.”

So, to sum up: Nocioni’s salary was dumped; Gooden’s beard was set free; size and scoring were added to the frontcourt; defense, size and scoring were added to the backcourt and frontcourt (as SF anyway); and the stage was set for another potential deal or two this season and maybe a huge deal during the Summer of 2010. Stay tuned.

Player profiles: John Salmons, Brad Miller.

Parting shots: Andres Nocioni: “I’m not surprised. There have been a lot of rumors. I’m all right. I was waiting for this. But I don’t feel bad the way I’m leaving. It’s not like I did something wrong. I wasn’t playing my best this season. But I gave everything to this team. I played hard every day whether in practice or in games. I’m a competitive person and I leave this team the best way I could. The only thing I feel bad about is I’m leaving a good team, good players and good coaches. I really enjoyed being with the Bulls. But this is the NBA life. Things like this can happen.”

Drew Gooden: “I’ve been traded before and the way I look at it is it means somebody wants you. Sacramento has been interested in me for a couple years, so maybe something can work out long-term there. If not, I’m an unrestricted free agent this summer, so I’m auditioning for other teams. I enjoyed my time in Chicago. It’s a good bunch of guys and great management. They treat players with respect. I just wish we had won more and I had been healthier.”

The post And finally…a trade appeared first on Bulls By The Horns.

Brian Hanley of the Chicago Sun-Times: “Forward Tyrus Thomas, whose name has been a staple in any Stoudemire trade rumors, instructed the media to ask the ”people upstairs” about whether he was headed to Phoenix. ‘I can’t talk about something I can’t control,’ Thomas said. General manager John Paxson wasn’t around to clarify trade talks or his future with the team, so it was left to coach Vinny Del Negro to address both subjects. Del Negro said he was amused by reports Paxson has decided to give up GM duties, likely at the end of the season. ‘What’s funny to me is you go to All-Star weekend and you hear all these rumors and people talking about the Bulls,’ Del Negro said. ‘I had just met with Jerry [Reinsdorf] two days before I go. It was interesting because Jerry never brought that stuff up to me. Nor [did] Pax. It’s just part of the business and being a Chicago Bull. It’s one of the most successful franchises. It comes with the territory.””

K.C. Johnson of the Chicago Tribune: “The Bulls could be welcoming a big man with starting playoff experience Wednesday in Milwaukee. His name will be Drew Gooden, rather than Amare Stoudemire or Chris Bosh. Gooden practiced Tuesday after missing the previous 11 games with abdominal and groin pain, and coach Vinny Del Negro said he would make a game-time decision in the critical matchup with a Bucks team that currently holds a playoff berth the Bulls covet.”

From the Associated Press: “Rumors also swirled Tuesday about the Bulls possibly trading for Toronto Raptors forward Chris Bosh in a three-team deal with Phoenix. ‘I would love to play with him,’ rookie point guard Derrick Rose said of the 6-foot-10 Bosh, an Olympian and All-Star who averages 22.7 points and 9.5 rebounds per game. ‘He’s that low-post presence that we need,’ said Ben Gordon. ‘He can score, rebound and defense. He’d be a huge help.’ … Del Negro said he would not be surprised if the Bulls don’t pick up anyone before Thursday’s trade deadline. ‘With the economy the way it is, and the salary cap and the luxury tax, it’s tough to make a trade,’ he said. ‘No one wants to take in salary. It’s tough doing deals even in a good economy.'”

Mike McGraw of the Daily Herald: “There was no sign of Paxson, just as there has been no actual evidence that he’s planning to resign anytime soon. Bulls consultant Jim Paxson, John’s older brother, watched practice, but that was hardly newsworthy. No trades were announced. If anything, the chances of the Bulls pulling off a significant deal before Thursday’s trade deadline appeared to be fading. This turned out to be nothing more than a routine practice day for the Bulls. They’ll resume play following the all-star break with a pivotal game tonight in Milwaukee against former coach Scott Skiles. The Bulls trail the Bucks by 21/2 games for the final playoff spot in the Eastern Conference after Milwaukee beat Detroit on the road Tuesday night.”

Paul Coro of the Arizona Republic: “It appears the Suns have made their big move — changing head coaches. Suns General Manager Steve Kerr said as much Monday in telling the media and his team that he ‘would like to keep what we have.’ But forward Amaré Stoudemire is ‘still not sure’ despite his contention that he wants to remain with the Suns. ‘I hope so,’ said Stoudemire, whose family sat near Suns Managing Partner Robert Sarver courtside seat Tuesday night. ‘I feel comfortable right now. Calls are still coming in for sure. I don’t think it’s going to stop until the deadline is over. Teams are still inquiring about me, still want me. It’s all about what the Phoenix Suns want to do.'”

The post Fresh ink: February 18, 2009 appeared first on Bulls By The Horns.

Mike McGraw of the Daily Herald: “The prognosis did not look promising for the Bulls pulling off their first three-game winning streak since April 2007. But the Bulls did make a stand, erasing a 9-point fourth-quarter deficit to take the lead with just over three minutes remaining. But some vintage Spurs defense turned things around late, and San Antonio escaped with a 92-87 victory. ‘They executed down the stretch and we didn’t,’ Bulls coach Vinny Del Negro said. ‘If we play that hard and make some adjustments, that’s definitely an improvement for us.'”

Nick Hut of the Northwest Herald: “The Bulls played the San Antonio Spurs almost evenly before losing, 92-87, at the United Center. The game capped a respectable week for a team trying to find its way. The Bulls won at Toronto and against Cleveland, the team with the NBA’s best record at the time, before coming up short Saturday night. ‘We did some good things and hopefully got ourselves going in the right direction somewhat,’ forward Drew Gooden said. ‘But no one’s interested in moral victories right now, and we had a great opportunity tonight.'”

Brian Hanley of the Chicago Sun-Times: “The Bulls (18-23) didn’t attempt a free throw for 38 minutes. Drew Gooden (11 points) gave the Bulls their last lead, 82-81, with a three-point play with 3:13 left. Gooden made a hook shot over Tim Duncan and Tony Parker, who committed the foul. Gooden’s free throw was the Bulls’ first since Tyrus Thomas split a pair with 5:41 left in the first quarter. Derrick Rose, who made only six of his 21 shots, didn’t go to the line. He often complained to the referees that he had been fouled on drives to the hoop. ‘[Not getting the calls] entered my mind, but I’m not the refs; I’m used to it now,’ said Rose, who had 15 total free-throw attempts in the five previous games. ‘I just have to find the guy, somewhere get body contact with him and try to finish. I thought they made the right calls.'”

Al Hamnik of The Northwest Indiana and Illinois Times: “To the Bulls’ rookie coach, Vinny Del Negro, those six seasons he spent in San Antonio, the final two with Gregg Popovich, helped prepare him for his current post. They were reunited Saturday night at the United Center, and it was hugs and smiles all around, despite their respective teams being headed in different directions in the standings. ‘He knows there’s gonna be bumps in the road,’ said Popovich, a 1966 Merrillville grad. ‘That’s one thing (NBA) players who become coaches probably know better than college coaches who come in. There’s lots of moments in the season when confidence levels are high, low, there’s bumps, bad times, good times. Vinny knows things take time.'”

K.C. Johnson of the Chicago Tribune: “‘This year I don’t think we’ve been as structured as we were under Scott [Skiles],” [Ben] Gordon said Sunday after practice. ‘It’s up to guys like me, Kirk and Lu to bring that back if we see it lacking. That’s why we’ve been so up-and-down this season. We have to get back to playing the right way, listening to what the game says. If the game says pass, pass it. If you’re open, shoot the ball. [Coach Vinny Del Negro] gives us a lot of freedom, especially on the perimeter. Sometimes you can get carried away and abuse it. We have to be more cognizant of valuing every possession.'”

K.C. Johnson of the Chicago Tribune: [Drew] Gooden’s production and persistence, not to mention his expiring contract, should make him an attractive asset as the Feb. 19 trade deadline approaches. He has been traded three times in six seasons, so he isn’t fazed by the possibility. ‘This is the team I want to be with,’ Gooden said. ‘But this is a business, and I’ve always been a guy who had trade value. I just can’t think about that. I need to play for my team and try to win games.'”

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